Kicking Butt Back in Gear

Hey to All,

Been gone for a long time as you can see.. I have been half and half on this ride as finances have been bad still, lost my job and hubby still wasn't working. So trying to keep my head above water has not been easy.

Fighting to stay at least partially raw. But something in me says that is not good enough. I have been keeping my mind and mouth busy by doing genealogy instead of eating. Should have been out there walking or something.. Just have no excuse.. none at all... I am just lazy..

I have no major illnesses to speak off to keep me down. Other then my legs hurting some and breathing is hard and hurts my chest if I walk long distances... So I sit on the sofa or here in front of the PC.. BUT.... I have new motivation.. if that is possible for me...I was doing some snooping online for raw articles and such and ran across a blog that totally hit me broadsided.

It made me look twice at myself then a third time and feel totally ...what word should I use here?? Totally selfish and totally ashamed only because she is doing so well and I am not. The site is called The Green Smoothie Experiment by Valerie Winters. Go read her blog if you want some inspiration.. She has it in spades... I weigh less then her, do not have the health problems as her..but I do not do what I am capable of doing only because I am lazy... Why??? So now I have to look within myself and try to find out why...

I am going to be 51 next month and my son wants to get married in July or Sept of this year. I have reason besides just wanting to look nice and be healthy... I also want to be able to have my son be proud of me and the way I look. I am so sick of looking this way and feeling like a blimp. If Valerie can lose 65 pounds in such a short time...surely I could to. She has done such a wonderful job and her support system, Super... She has inspired me to kick myself in the tail and get moving again.

I have started working again and so has my man... so we will have money coming in again finally.. I can get what I want for my food and he can get what he wants and I won't feel guilty of cheating him or me. Nope, he doesn't help much or support much.. Sabotages sometimes even and I want to think it is unconsciously...

Guess he doesn't believe I truly want this... so I have to do this... Also I have been watching film clips of things like from PETA, Fast Food Nation and the like and I am just aching in my heart for the poor animals that die for us. And in such horrid ways. I just can not think of myself as a contributor..

So here I go again... those of you who have been around here before.. please don't give up on me. I am going to do this... I AM, I AM, I AM, I AM, I AM!!!!!

gotta wait for my first check this Friday... So I will see you on Monday with a report of my first day back at 100% raw. By the way... I have still kept the weight off even being bad... Fluxed up a bit then down again... but I am still here... so at least that was good...

See you Monday... May 21, 2007 the beginning of the rest of my new life... Stepping into a new chapter... for the second half of my 100 years here on earth.